A good relationship should be maintained and contributed by both parties together. If only one person contributes unilaterally, it is easy for the relationship to have problems. Then my wife always takes my contribution as a matter of course. What should I do?
There is a simple and crude answer to this question, which is to pay less.
But this does not mean that you should just quit. Reducing your efforts is not the ultimate goal. It is to reduce your efforts, observe the other party’s reaction, and then adjust the business strategy according to the other party’s reaction.
People who take their partner’s contribution as a matter of course usually do so for two reasons.
First, she is used to your dedication, she has never lost it, and she does not know how to cherish it;
Second, your contribution does not match her needs, and she cannot feel your affection. OK, so I don’t want to repay you.
Let’s talk about the first aspect first. For example, if you look at people living in big cities, you tell them to cherish water resources.
But faced with the situation of unlimited water when he turns on the faucet, it is difficult for him to tighten the string of saving water at all times, and he will not be grateful because he has unlimited water to use every day. Heart.
Because he has never experienced the suffering of lack of water.
Your contribution in marriage is like a steady stream of water. Your old wife lives in a family where water is always available. Her normal state is to enjoy it lazily, without the consciousness to care whether you are tired or not. , willing or not.
Since you can live a comfortable life without doing anything, wouldn’t it be superfluous to do something?
If your wife is in this situation, then when you reduce your efforts, you will immediately notice that she starts to chase you and ask questions.
At this time, you can calmly tell her your requirements for her, let her see which of your needs are not met, and tell her that you need her to cooperate with you in building this family. You can support it alone. Even though I am tired, I can’t do everything every day for decades.
She may start to help you share the burden, and may even be willing to compromise a little more, give you more consideration, and no longer expect you to do everything well. No matter what, you don’t have to work so hard anymore, it’s time to rest. Just take a break.
Let’s talk about the second aspect.
——“I’ve done so much for you, how could you do this to me!”
——“I didn’t ask you to do it, you don’t have to do it! ”
If you are familiar with this kind of dialogue in life, then the problem between you and your wife belongs to the second situation. Your contribution does not match her needs, and she not only cannot feel you Okay, I still think you are asking for hertoo much.
At this time, you need to sort out your own efforts, which things you are willing to do, and which things you have done but feel unbalanced in your heart, unless the other party can be grateful and repay you.
After making a clear distinction, stop doing those things you don’t want to do.
You will find that after you make less effort, the other party will not feel uncomfortable, and will not chase you and ask you why you didn’t do this and why you didn’t do that, and you will feel much more relaxed. , I will no longer feel aggrieved.
Another thing to pay attention to is what the other party’s real needs are, and what she wants from you but has always wanted. Didn't get it.
If you figure this out and give what is needed, you will see that the other party values ??your efforts more and is more willing to take the initiative to meet your needs.
To sum up, every woman has different expectations and needs for family life. You need to pay according to your wife's personal situation and your own ability.
If you blindly overload yourself and complain that she has not reciprocated with you, the result will only be that you are tired and unhappy, and your wife will not be able to withstand the mental pressure and will continue to resist you. .
