Love is like sand in your hand. The tighter you hold it, the easier it is to lose it. It feels like you have given everything and be good to the other person, but you find that the more you care about her, the more she finds you annoying. What is the reason for this?
1. Increased attachment to gains and losses
"Attention to gains and losses is like a chronic disease. The longer it lasts, the more serious it will erode your heart."
Every day we Basically, individuals have a certain sense of gain and loss, but when facing someone you like, your sense of gain and loss will be particularly serious. In other words, the more you care, the more afraid you are of losing this person, and the other person will feel such feelings. , on the contrary, there will be a situation of "feeling confident".
Therefore, you will be afraid of many things, afraid that your efforts will not be rewarded;
Afraid that the other person is more popular than you, so that you are afraid that the other person will abandon you at any time;
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If you do not reciprocate your efforts in time, you will think that the other person does not love you;
At the same time, your behavior will also force the other person to acknowledge and affirm your love, and Various words will also reflect, "You should also pay for me well, because I have done so much for you."
For example,
"Look, for you, I gave up the opportunity to work in a big city, how are you going to compensate me."
" Because of you, I could have been promoted very well, because of you.”
“If it weren’t for you, I would have become better, maybe I would have gone to a big city to develop.”
However, getting along like this can only make the other person feel tired and drive him away.
2. Paranoid mentality
Have you noticed that when you care more about something, you The behavioral state will become "strange". When the emotions accumulate to a certain level, people will begin to become paranoid, and their emotions will become extremely fragile, both behaviorally and emotionally.
A relatively direct emotional reaction is that the mood fluctuates greatly.
"Self-verification psychology" will appear.
"Self-fulfilling prophecy, self-fulfilling
Prophecy, in layman's terms, means that a person has an expectation for the future, and he will unconsciously adjust his behavior according to this expectation during his actions. It is precisely these adjustments that ultimately lead to the realization of the expectation. ”
In relationships, you are actually very afraid of negative self-verification.
If you begin to suspect that your efforts will not be reciprocated by the other person, you will desperately look for the other person. Not paying for you, not paying for the evidence of the relationship, while exaggerating your own efforts;
If you suspect that the other party has cheated, then even if the other party has not cheated, you will start to look for and collect evidence of the other party’s cheating. It's been a long time,Love will die in your negative self-verification psychology.
3. The contradiction between "sense of need and desire for exposure" and "fear of exposure"
Do you have Have you never been cheated or hurt in your relationship?
Except for a very few lucky people, in fact, most of us have been hurt in our relationships.
People who fall in love for the first time often want to express their feelings, but do not know how to express them. They are very simple and have 100% trust in the other person. This kind of feeling is particularly simple and pure.
"I just want to be good to you."
However, many people are not so "lucky" in their first relationship or their previous relationships.
They have met scumbag men and scumbag girls, and their friends have encountered a lot of emotional unhappiness. As the number of injuries increases and the injuries are extremely serious, the distrust between the sexes will develop. It will become stronger and stronger,
"I no longer believe in love."
"Women all love money, and men are all big pigs."
< p> But what’s interesting is that the body is honest about what you say you don’t want; you no longer believe what you say, and you feel a bit of panic in your mind, but your body is still afraid of loneliness, and still longs for someone who can really heal you and make you feel better. No more alone.At this time, if people are involved in a relationship, there will be a subtle change in their feelings, that is, they are particularly concerned about "how much you pay, I will see before I pay." But after all, many people's love market The score is not that high,
Therefore, the situation of "being actively paid" is actually rare, and this is one of the reasons why many people are single now.
Even if they successfully enter a relationship, people with this mentality will instinctively start to suppress their emotions out of fear of being hurt again.
"No, I can't express it, otherwise the other person will be abandoned if he knows that I love him so much."
"No, if I expose my neediness too much, the other person will feel that he has got me. What to do."
"No, you can't show it too obviously."
"Be restrained, be restrained."
People who have been injured are instinctive. Will protect themselves, so such emotions will be particularly obvious.
However, in this situation, there will be an accumulation of negative emotions, and the other party does not know it.
Because you have a lot of enthusiasm in your heart, but you have to force yourself to release it slowly, so you will become You have to suppress yourself and restrain yourself, become "superficially submissive", and suppress yourself to cooperate with the other party.
"I really want to eat ramen. By the way, what do you want to eat today?"
p>“I want to eat hot pot.”
“Well,,, well, let’s go eat hot pot.” (Basic manifestation of suppressed emotions)
But like this Because there is no way to reasonably release the emotion, it will turn into a negative emotion, especially caring about the other party's contribution and the return of one's own contribution. Then, if there is any dissatisfaction in the relationship, they will start to "act", Both boys and girls.
"Did you go out with someone again today?"
"How many times have I told you, do you care about me?"
"You said you love me?"
In fact, it is all a reflection of one's own psychological contradictions on the other person. Maybe the other person did it, maybe the other person didn't do it at all.
This kind of emotion will make the other person feel that you are confused.
Therefore, a good relationship requires mutual equality, mutual respect, and mutual understanding. All warmth is mutual.
Put it this way, even if you are a person with this kind of personality, if the other person loves you, he will still have the same personality, and both of you will give in. In this way, it is a comedy. On the contrary, it is a tragedy.